We Must Return to the Office to Use AI in Person
Recorded: Sept. 8, 2026, 3:08 p.m.
| Original | Summarized |
Why We Must Return to the Office to Use AI in Person - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency Skip to main content Search
Internet Tendency ☀ Light mode McSweeney’s ☀
McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON September 4, 2026
When I awoke on RTO Day (officially “Remain to Office,” since management maintained that I’d misremembered and we’d always been in office six days a week), I was not as excited as I should have been. I felt queasy at the thought of signing the Memorandum of Loving RTO as a condition of my continued employment. Good things are better than bad things. These principles allow for the high productivity and rich social life at Mondo Mayo, which revolves around our twice-annual mandatory-optional-encouraged-required retreat, The Getaway, culminating in the rarely fatal mayonnaise-eating contest. A.I. Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron. Become a patron Subscribe to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency’s Substack Subscribe to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency’s Newsletter ➤ About Our Super El Niño Climate Crisis–Accurate Hot Pilates Studio ➤ Selected Calendar Times for Someone Self-Employed Who Works from Home Suggested Reads October 18, 2023 As CEO of BattleBots, I Assure You There’s Almost No Danger of the Robots Becoming Self-Aware and Killing Us December 28, 2025 A Company Reminder for Everyone to Talk Nicely About the Giant Plagiarism Machine February 17, 2023 I Asked ChatGPT to Send a Terminator Back in Time to Circumvent Its Own Inception June 23, 2026 The Hardest Thing to Say: On Neurodivergence and Work Trending 🔥 August 28, 2026 I’m the Guy Who Destroys Antique Books After We Scan Them into Our Company’s Insatiable AI Platform August 12, 2026 Release Notes: Woman™ Version 51.0 August 26, 2026 Why Aren’t People Moving to This Town with Cheap Housing and Literally Nothing Else? August 26, 2026 My Annual Performance, as Reviewed by My Dog Recently September 8, 2026 Selected Calendar Times for Someone Self-Employed Who Works from Home September 4, 2026 Why We Must Return to the Office to Use AI in Person September 4, 2026 About Our Super El Niño Climate Crisis–Accurate Hot Pilates Studio September 3, 2026 I’m Your Friend Who Just Doesn’t “Do Politics” Dave Eggers silkscreen prints to benefit the new International Library of Youth Writing! Purchase your own unique piece of art and check back regularly for more. “When a new McSweeney’s Quarterly is released, you’d better drop whatever it is you’re doing and check it out.”
Winner of the National Magazine Award. Subscribe to The Believer today! “This is the kind of magazine you keep on your bookshelves with your favorite books.”—Cece Bell, author of El Deafo
Longlisted for the National Book Award! McSweeney’s is an independent nonprofit publishing company based in San Francisco. McSweeney’s accepts no writing aided in any manner by AI. Before publishing any writing—from a letter to a book-length work—authors published at McSweeney’s will be asked to attest that AI played no part in the creation or writing of that work. We are committed to our environment. Each year, we purchase carbon offsets commensurate with our estimate of the impact of the printing, shipping, and travel necessary to publish our books and magazines. We are continually working to minimize our impact on the planet by examining every business decision through a lens of sustainability. To support this effort, or to learn more, please write to executive director Amanda Uhle. Internet Tendency Events Copyright © 1998–2026, McSweeney’s Literary Arts Fund.All Rights Reserved. Search |
The argument for returning to the office to utilize artificial intelligence in person is explored through the lens of an experience within Mondo Mayo, emphasizing how physical presence and adherence to core principles facilitate productivity, leadership development, and personal fulfillment. The author initially experiences apprehension regarding a mandated return to office, viewing it as a condition for continued employment, setting up a conflict between corporate expectation and personal desire. Mondo Mayo operates under specific Core Principles: good things are better than bad things, a valuing of positive affirmations like "Yes, Boss. Great idea, Boss," and the principle that more leaders result in greater leadership. These principles are presented as the foundation that allows for high productivity and a rich social life, exemplified by mandatory retreats such as The Getaway. The author notes that a system involving numerous leaders, including fifteen rank-and-file workers managed by thousands of Senior VPs, is in place. The text suggests that remote work has been framed through proprietary metrics showing that family life can be managed efficiently while maintaining manager satisfaction, referencing concepts like the Mondo Machine which facilitates remote bonding. Furthermore, the office environment itself is integrated with technology, monitored by AI-powered Performance Enablement Software named Best Buddy, which assists in performance enhancement. The author suggests that returning to the office is beneficial precisely because the corporate structure is evolving, noting that the impetus for change is nearly complete. The physical experience of the office space further justifies the return. The construction activity surrounding the headquarters provides sensory context—the sound of jackhammering and leaks—which the author reframes as opportunities to focus effort. This physical immersion contrasts with remote work by demanding a tangible presence. Professionally, the need for in-person interaction is tied to strategic competition; the author was involved in developing sales strategies against rivals like SodaPorn and Cagefight Pharma. The narrative then shifts to personal events that occur during this period of heightened exposure. A relationship developed with a coworker complicated by shared dissatisfaction with RTO occurred, highlighting a tension between professional constraints and personal desires. This personal exploration is juxtaposed against the corporate environment, as the need for professional compliance seemed to conflict with the desire for authentic experience. The HR process handling the resulting situation serves as another inflection point. The author recounts being placed on Help-You-Be-Your-Best Plans, where an administrator expressed concern over the author’s attitude, prompting a reflection on whether the Core Principles were being honored. The ultimate resolution involves balancing personal needs with corporate structure; the compassionate release of a coworker and the subsequent reinstatement allow the author to achieve a desired outcome. This process is framed as a moral realization that true leadership stems from adherence to positive principles rather than mere profit attainment. Ultimately, by embracing the full context of working in person, the author achieves a sense of personal efficacy and professional recognition, affirming the principles of the organization for their own potential. |